When We Hoped to Share Good News but Turned out Painful

We were once excited for this season to make an announcement that we were expecting a baby but instead these past few months have been relying on God to work through pain and grief.

Miscarrying four weeks prior, I was on schedule to have a D&C in a few days since I was still carrying the baby.  Prayer and meditation helped me through as the pain and cramping kept getting worse.

As I was meditating through the pain, the nurses and the on-call physician advised me and my husband to rush to the emergency at St. Anne’s, where they took me directly back to a room covered and soaked in blood.

The I.V.’s were started in both arms, and I continued to meditate and answer the medical questions as best as I could. 

“Well, you are three centimeters dilated and in labor….. You are in labor.  That is why you are in pain.”

The doctor peeked up from ‘down there’ with all these tools, and cradled a phone in her ear to report to the surgeon on call. Within an hour I was under anesthesia for an emergency D&C.

I was dilated three centimeters?  And in labor?  I didn’t realize that was a possibility being that I had miscarried four weeks ago.  At this point, I was pregnant for eleven weeks. 

Prior to going into labor (which seems so odd to say), the doctors were not concerned about the miscarriage because they are quite common.  They believed me to be healthy and explained that losing the heartbeat had nothing to do with my health, but that it’s simply a common thing.  

“Sometimes it’s just Mother Nature’s way of saying that this pregnancy isn’t going to work.  If the DNA does not line up perfectly, the woman’s body is designed to naturally abort the baby.” 

It made sense when he explained it like that, and that perhaps the baby was sick.  He continued, “Now, if this would happen three times in a row, then I would consider testing for underlying issues.”

I closed down emotionally, shrugging it off as something normal.  I didn’t go through any grief.  But then a dear friend that is also a Spiritual Director encouraged me to grieve.

“Bailey, it’s still a loss to grieve.  It was still a life.”

I didn’t think of it that way, because grief hurts, ya know?  I even choked back tears when she said it. But it doesn’t mean I need to ignore the grief.  I didn’t need to wail in a corner, but simply allow myself to acknowledge grief.

I can’t say that I have really allowed myself to acknowledge it.  It’s easier to just block it and deem it all normal and get back to where I was.

It was in the middle of playoff season for the Columbus Crew SC who won the Eastern Conference Championships and was getting ready for the MLS Cup Final.  I am the team massage therapist and this was during the most critical point of the season. I needed to focus on each one of those players to give everything I could to help them succeed, to help them recover, to help them maximize their performance and deal with injuries. 

As an athlete, you need to focus on the goal, and I wasn’t about to distract them by sharing what I was going through for over a month.  They were all living a moment of a lifetime experience which I was honored to be part of, not to distract from.

I put a smile on my face each day, wearing at least two layers of pants and extra protection, and then extra-extra protection in a gym bag where there were times I needed to run out of the training room.  

We never announced that we were pregnant, so please don’t be alarmed you didn’t know.  Even our family and closest friends were shocked to hear that I was in labor and being wheeled back for an emergency procedure, and we asked for their prayers.  They didn’t know we were expecting, as we were waiting to announce. 

We are thankful for the prayers from family and friends. Thankful for the friends that shared their heartache of similar experiences, and followed up with me daily to make sure I was healing and emotionally well.

I was even more thankful for my husband who more than understood, but was compassionate, patient, and loving.  He held my hand and was willing to do anything to help. We were heart broken, but know there is still hope.

As many have asked when the next show is;  I won’t be training for Figure Competitions until we start a family.  There is a time for everything, and being ripped and shredded isn’t one of them in this period of life. People often ask, so only God knows when the next show will be.  However, to quench my competitive thirst, my new snowboard will be arriving shortly to race boardercross again (I don’t have to be ripped for that!). 

Thank you again for your prayers through these past few months.  God has a plan for us, and that matters more than anything, and we will keep Him as our focus.  He’s there through the pain, through the grief, through the suffering, as much as He is through the success and celebration.  

Through everything and in all things, I am thankful for what God is doing in my life.  Not just in the good times, but even in the harder times.

#bethankful

1 Thessalonians 5:18

 

 

 

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “When We Hoped to Share Good News but Turned out Painful

  1. Thank you for being vulnerable to share such a heartbreaking experience with everyone reading this; praying God’s love, protection, and grace fill you to overflowing! You are a True Light, keep shining bright! 🙂

    xo
    -Tracy

    1. Thank you Tracy. I left a lot of the details out, but hoped to capture as much as I could without being too transparent. But being a true light? Wow, thank you for that, so undeserving, but pray to be a light for him and sharing what he does in my life, in hopes I could help or inspire even only one person. Thank you Tracy!!

  2. Bailey, thanks for sharing your story. I suffered a miscarriage back in February and couldn’t find a way to tell my family and friends. I was only 6 weeks along when it happened but it was still very hard to come to terms with. It amazed me how quickly my life changed after I found out I was pregnant. I started dreaming about the future and thinking about whether or not I would want to go back to work, what the nursery might look like and what the babe’s name might be. After it happened it I was shocked to find out how common miscarriage is but not a lot of women talk about it. Women like you who are brave enough to share their stories help countless others get past their heart aches. Thank you for your courage! Here’s to a new year and the hopes of a rainbow baby.

    1. Erica, I am so sorry for the loss you also went through. I didn’t realize how common it was, but when I shared with a few friends, at least 3/4 of them had similar heart aches from those own miscarriage but never said anything. I didn’t realize how much the support meant until I started opening up, and others that have suffered knew the pain emotionally and physically. It’s good to know we aren’t alone, and good to feel the peace and presence of God even when it hurts. Thank you so much for taking time to encourage me… And I pray for you to be encouraged too. To keep healing, just as I am, and hopefully others are healing instead of ignoring it. To be bold to ask God for that little one and know it will be in his perfect timing! [insert hug here!]

  3. Bailey, I am so heart broken to hear this! I understand your pain and heartache so very much! I still remember 3.5 years ago coming to you for a massage and and pouring out to you the heartache that Tim and I had experienced through the loss of our 2 sweet babies. Of course we got our rainbow baby shortly after but the sadness never goes completely away. As I write this Tim and I are once again healing from another miscarriage (9.5 weeks on Christmas day). I’ve thought so much about wanting to reach out to those women who are hurting and don’t know who to talk to. I’ll be praying for you. Please know that if you need anything at all, I’m here. But above all, God is faithful!

  4. Bailey.. I love you. I am so heart broken and stunned by this account. On the other hand, I am pleased, in a way, that you and your husband have remained strong and faithful to your… Faith. I am also not so surprised in that you are strong minded and willed. Through Christ, all things are possible, especially when you believe that things happen for a reason, and given that, you can’t change them, only learn to deal with the hand you’re dealt.. And you both seem to be doing that very well. I’ve known you for a long time and you’ve never shown me a reason to think you’d handle it otherwise. God Bless. ~Jason

  5. Hi Bailey,
    Thanks for sharing what you went through. I was also four months pregnant and in St. Ann’s when I lost Megan or Brian. It was very painful. I am so thankful that though she or he can’t come to me, I will see them in Heaven. God provides for these wee little ones and their parents here on earth. ❤

  6. Hi Bailey,
    Thanks for sharing what you went through. I was also four months pregnant and in St. Ann’s when I lost Megan or Brian. It was very painful. I am so thankful that though she or he can’t come to me, I will see her or him in Heaven. God provides for these wee little ones and their parents here on earth.

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