From my prayer journal Dec 31, 2011 while reflecting at my neighborhood Starbucks. Happy New Years! Trying to focus while cupcakes are distracting me!
“Lord, I know its been a rough year, but its been even sweeter. I don’t want to highlight what most would call bad moments (see entry ‘What Really Happened’ and ‘One Year Later’ through rape, crushing both ankles, learning to walk again), but to have a perspective that continues to draw me nearer to you. I’m overwhelmed with thankfulness really to think of your love for me, and how much you have brought me through. I’m so thankful for having your perspective when it was easy not to. You gave me that grace and strength.
I wish I were an artist to express absolutely everything in my life you have given me. Including the times I’ve felt I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t faithful to you enough, wasn’t loving enough; it was then you spoke truth because it is YOU that is more than enough. For all the times I’ve felt betrayed, cheated, neglected, weak, traumatized emotionally or physically, you were there to comfort me. You were there to show me the truth of who I really am because of you, no matter the heartbreak or situation. Its you that has made me strong, corrected my thinking, increased my faith, made me new and transformed me. It was you who rose me above and made me smile through the pain. More and more I realize I can’t do life without you.
As I reflect and am thankful for 2011, every situation that I’ve been in, has been an opportunity to grow from and respond to. Each moment, each decision, and especially each response has made me into the product I am at this very moment. Yes, all the good, and all the bad. There’s more to my life than good or bad. If it were, I’d possibly have a negative outlook on life. But depending on you, you changed my perspective as well as heal me from the inside out. I pray that I’m always soft to you yet resilient to the things life and the world would throw at me. My happiness does not depend on the people or the world around me, I simply make the choice to be happy.”
Lord, as I reflect on last year, please give me your spirit for continual resolutions, not just once a year for New Years. I choose to start today, not tomorrow. Each day is a new day that I choose you.